Women that have grown up not knowing that they are autistic have lifelong feelings of being different from their peers. They may have low self-esteem from being unable to trust themselves socially even if they have been able to expertly mask their autism through learned strategies. Most autistic women experience much suffering due to ongoing frustration, confusion, and eventual burnout, even with today’s increasing awareness of autism.
The mental and physical impact of unidentified, first diagnosis, and/or late diagnosis of autism can magnify pre-existing symptoms of anxiety, depression, OCD, ADHD and trauma. As women navigate the lifespan, challenges arise in partnerships/marriage, motherhood, middle-age, empty nest, menopause, and the end-of-life transition.
It can be argued that not knowing you are autistic for large parts of your life is a special kind of trauma in itself. Due to lack of support and vulnerabilities that are misunderstood, unprotected, or simply ignored, adult autistic women often have a history of being bullied and abused as children, adolescents and into adulthood. The impact of childhood trauma on adult autistic women is often overlooked and forgotten.
The reason for the lag in diagnosing autism in women is partly because the criteria for the diagnosis of autism is still based on research done mostly on children, especially boys. With the broadening of the diagnostic criteria for Autism and the introduction of the “Spectrum” concept, thankfully women that are in their, 40’s, 50’s and even 60’s, are being accurately diagnosed. These are women that grew up in the 1980’s and before.
It is interesting to note that the diagnosis of autism wasn’t even in the DSM (Diagnostic Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) until 1980! Especially when you consider that sustainable autistic traits made their appearance in the human genome some 100,000 years ago. The phrase “Lost Generation” was coined in 2015 and refers to autistic adults who were not diagnosed as children.
Many Autistic women that have been diagnosed late in life say that it was the key they needed to open the door to developing authentic self-awareness. Understanding and learning language to explain how their brains works is positively life changing. With attuned therapy and support, embracing autism can be a wonderful season of truly learning how to love themselves, possibly for the first time in their lives.
After spending decades comparing themselves to neurotypical standards and wondering why they struggle so much with what other’s find easy, neurodivergent autistic women can finally gain the awareness and support they need to recognize they have incredible strengths. The internalized weaknesses and messaging of not being likeable, loveable, and simply not measuring up can be challenged and replaced with the Wisdom of the Sage. Ideally, adult autistic women will be remembered for their unique contribution to humanity simply through their uniqueness, never-to-be forgotten.
